Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
4 words: hood of his car
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize