I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
