The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
