I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize