literally had 100 drinks last night.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
