So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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