Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
