there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
