from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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