I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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