Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize