I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
