i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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