I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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