I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
