He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
