i just wanna soil my oats bro
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
