Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
