You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
