season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
