I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
