I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize