I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
