Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
