Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
