Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i think i scared a bird with my dick
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
