Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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