i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize