A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
