I feel great
I just peed on a car
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
