Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
