why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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