Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
