i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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