I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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