it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize