Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I will pee on everything he values.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
