Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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