That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize