your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
