i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
