it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
