I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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