I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
