Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
