whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
