I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
