I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
