just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
