I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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