dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
well, you know. whores of a feather.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
