normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
