She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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