saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
