he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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