Barsexuality is the new black.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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