well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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