He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You ruined the universe
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
