so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
