I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
