Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i dont even know how to be here
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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