the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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