her vagine was all disorganized.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
