Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
COCAINE IS GR8
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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