Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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