This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
