Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
