is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
