I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
