I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
