Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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