We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
