I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
