my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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