So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
