guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
