is wine microwaveable?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
