I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
