I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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