we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
pop tarts are not kleenex
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
