true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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