You just made me feel so damn special
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
