I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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