problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
