I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
