I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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