Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So. Much. Porn.
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