i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
