I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
