have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
