Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize