i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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