If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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