I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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