is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
