idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
