So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
