You're so nebulous sometimes
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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