How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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