not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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