Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
