What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
