He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
