y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
