epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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