I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
