I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
