So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
