I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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