So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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