Your mouth is God's brothel.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
