I need help removing her.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
